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The Grieving Process: Life after a Loss

Loss is an inevitable part of life, whether it’s the loss of a loved one through death, loss of a job, loss of a home in a fire, loss of personal property through theft, or loss of a marriage through divorce. The fact that loss is inevitable, even common, doesn’t make it easy to deal with when it happens to you!

The process of grieving is a natural and normal response to loss. Many people try to “push aside” the feelings that accompany the grieving process in order to deny the pain they are feeling. But this response tends to set up a boomerang effect that has profound effects on your emotional and physical health.

Grief counseling experts have identified the “Four Tasks of Mourning” that are necessary to feel the loss and move on. Although he applies these tasks to the death of a loved one or pet, they really can apply to any loss you experience:

1. Accept that the loss is real – many people tend to deny the loss, to minimize it, or to act as if it didn’t happen at all. So the first task is to acknowledge the loss is real (i.e., my spouse is physically gone).
   
   
2. Be okay with feeling the pain – Some people go to great lengths not to feel the pain associated with the loss. They bury themselves in work, overeat, drink too much, travel or take drugs to avoid feeling the physical and psychological pain. This only prolongs the grieving period and can create other problems.
   
   
3. Adjust to living with the loss – Part of the grieving process is recognizing that our lives are changed forever by our loss. You may feel a profound emptiness and this is normal. But eventually, it is time to accept the loss and to shift your focus to outside activities and people to move on.
   
   
4. Find a safe place in your heart for the loss – Memories of a loss may stay with you forever, but eventually you need to find a place in your heart to put that person or event. This isn’t being disloyal in any way; it’s finding a way to cherish what is gone without letting it control you.

Working through your grief is never easy, but it is necessary to grieve properly at the time of the loss to avoid future illness or emotional stress. Understand that the grieving process can take time, often a year or two for a major loss. So give it the time it deserves and don’t rush it. The love and support of those you love and trust are important factors in this process. Ask for help or a shoulder to cry on. Someday, you’ll be able to return the favor.